


sins of the flesh

by meliore



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes-centric, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Not Happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 07:57:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17300783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meliore/pseuds/meliore
Summary: He can’t explain why he cares. Why would he, after all?But he does.





	sins of the flesh

**Author's Note:**

> quick warnings
> 
> \- there's no established relationship or unrequited crush here  
> \- in the context i had in mind, both bucky and tony were very drunk, so... mutual dubious consent, i guess?  
> \- bucky has issues with self-acceptance and he feels bad for having sex with a man.  
> \- possible alcoholism. at least it's what i had in mind when writing about the getting drunk part of this.
> 
> i think that's all? if there's anything i forgot, or should add, you can point it out to me. a lot of times i don't remember stuff or am not sure if something could need a warning, so i might've forgotten something.
> 
> this is unrevised.

He wakes up.

The mattress below him is comfortable. Too comfortable. Bucky is not in his room, then.

There’s no bed in his room.

He takes a deep breath, concentrates on getting out of his head. It’s the first thing he does.

Most days.

Sometimes he sits or goes to the bathroom before doing that.

A soft snoring sound. He hears it. ( _Exhale. Inhale._ )

When he’s ready, he turns his head to the side -- to his left -- and notices everything about his left.

It’s not his, or Steve’s room. Because Steve’s room is messy, and he has papers with sketches on top of his drawer. His drawer is close to his bed. Too close, sometimes he bangs his head on it.

And this room. It has color, but it’s too neutral.

He supports himself on the bed, moves a little -- not much, just until he’s close enough -- and looks down.

Oh.

_Oh._

He realizes he’s naked. It makes more sense now. Not that he likes it.

Bucky turns to his right, just like he does when he goes to sleep, and searches for-- for his clothes. It’s like before, _January 3, 1934_ , except he used to remember it when he woke up.

He puts his clothes on.

 

_“I have brought a little gift to celebrate our union as a team of warriors,” Thor said. He looked happy. Very happy._

_The gift was Asgardian beer. Steve smiled. He was frowning, though it was not noticeable unless you kept staring to his face. **A bit uncomfortable, but feeling like** **it’d not be polite to decline.**_

_Bucky knew, knew because the thing decided that this was Steve’s reason and Bucky never engages in a conversation with it, that Steve considered telling Thor that he couldn’t get drunk._

_Bucky wouldn’t -- didn’t -- tell Thor that it was the same for him. He wouldn’t because he’d rather drink it and focus on the taste._

_They were drunk soon after. Every person in the room. There was a point in which he looked to Stark, waiting for him to get up and leave them with an uncomfortable face, because he knew -- who didn't, really -- about his issues with alcohol. Knew that he was trying to get better._

_He wouldn’t be the **noble man** and remember Stark to get out before he did something he’d regret. Bucky regretted it every time after SHIELD, HYDRA and all that mess. The point of drinking wasn’t there when he couldn’t get drunk and was never in the mood-- and even if he was, he never had the opportunity, or the friends to do that-- to drink with friends._

_Not for him._

_But sometimes the bitter taste was just something he needed._

_Last thing he remembered, Steve was venting to the chair about disliking most of the movies available on Netflix._

 

He should wake Stark up, he thinks, but by that point he’s already going to his room and it’s just going to be weird -- more than it already is -- if he does that.

It’s not even about Stark. It’s about what Stark is.

A man.

A _man_.

Bucky has no religion. He can’t say he believes on any religion-related figure. But he does pray.

Kneeling and everything.

 

_Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name_

_Thy kingdom come_

_Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven_

_Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil_

 

He can’t explain why he cares. Why would he, after all? Worried about doing it with a guy when he did much worse?

But he does. It comes out of nowhere. Bucky wouldn’t say he’s open-minded or close-minded, but he’d say that he couldn’t care less for who someone likes. It’s not his life.

But this.

This _**is**_ his life.

Why did they-- why did they even--

* * *

Steve has a hangover. Bucky saw a smartphone on Hawkeye’s hand.

He has a tiny smile in his face. Steve will regret drinking.

Bucky already regrets it more, though. More than he ever did.

**Author's Note:**

> man. there's something about exploring bucky feelings without centering it on romantic relationships he has that's just... magic for me. about exploring him, as a person, before hydra and after. what would his religion be? would he have one? would he be afraid of the war? would he hide his fears?
> 
> i just... wow.


End file.
